Captain Bollinger made the statement today on board his ship Anita’s Revenge in a warning to all coastal towns that if they did not clap at 8pm every Thursday during the Corona Virus wars, then He would sink ships and raise towns to the ground the Burlesque Herald has learned. We joined him onboard for his views on the Corona Virus War.
“I would blast them with Cannon fire.”
Captain Bollinger was also asked about the UK Government’s decision to enforce a lockdown. Bollinger stated “the lockdown does not go far enough, I can see people through my spyglass promanading along Worthing seafront as if it is a holiday.” “If I had a letter of Marque, I would blast them with Cannon fire.”
….it may assist in popping your pistol.
Captain Bollinger went on to say that He would remove the duty and tax on alcohol to assist in getting land lovers and crewmen alike through what is some very testing of times. He also said that He would arrange socially distant tents on the beach with women and men of the night, so relief could be had and it may assist in popping your pistol or practising your swordsmanship!
Capt. Bollinger’s Bollinger Pistol is ready to pop.
We asked Captain Bollinger what He thought of the recent panic buying. He stated ” if you now look at the food waste, those people knew when they purchased the food they could not eat it or even have a galley big enough to store it.”
I think these people should be keel hauled as they have left a lot of other people short of essentials and for no legitimate reason other than to overburden refuge collection force on land.
Your statement saluting all key workers at 8pm tonight can you elaborate ? Argh ” I will sink ships and raise towns to the ground if every able bodied household does not salute Key Workers in the UK.”
” I want to able to hear the noise as far as Rampion wind farm in the channel”.
Capt. Bollinger Sword manship.
Captain Bollinger went on to say that piracy had been quiet since the Pandemic took a grip and the crew were showing terrific reliance during the lockdown, with swords and pistols being secured away for safety. The crew only dispatch one long boat a day to the shops to procure food and Rum, but was stopped by one shop assistant when too many bottles of Rum were purchased.
Captain Bollinger is wanted in the West Indies for Piracy, Hastings for Drunk & Disorderly and Essaouira for theft of a ton of Cinnamon.
The Burlesque Herald. 